He shot lasers from his naval.
The world was in danger, but the hero was lost in a department store.
And so, that was how the world came to an end.
Why hello there, what do we have here? It looks like it’s time to have a party. In your eye-socket. Continue reading
She drowned her sorrows with acid.
No longer a Twitter exclusive, here is ‘Purchase’:
She bought true love from a vending machine. It jammed.
And here is a bonus story called ‘Prostitute’:
Grandma got stuck in Prague.
At the end of the world everyone will start writing about it, but everyone will get it wrong. The world will end due to a giant cheese cake falling from the planet of giants, smothering us all. These short stories and poems will only come to confuse future generations as they try to uncover what happened, they’ll just ignore that leftover smell of cake. They should be entertained at least. Continue reading
After they burnt books they started burning people. It was the only way to stop information from getting out. After they finished they burnt themselves.
Everything but your soul. Not much of a gamble.
Kelly Walters took her shopping items out of the green basket and watched as each item rolled along to be scanned through on the till. Baked beans, 79p. Beep. Pack of grapes, £2.06. Beep. Bottle of rum, £17.99. Beep. Six pack of toilet paper, £2.65. Beep. Domestic Violence Live DVD, £14.99. Beep. Chewing gum, 49p. Beep. Floral decorated winter coat, £64.99. Beep. Chicken breasts, 4.99. Beep. One Pint of semi-skimmed milk, 89p. Beep. Kelly Walters, nothing. Beep.
‘Would you like a bag with all that?’ the checkout man asked as he pushed her in with the rest of the goods.
‘Sure, one will do,’ Kelly replied and started to pull one of the bags over her head. along with the chicken breasts.
‘We don’t have a bag big enough I’m afraid. I could get a bin bag out from the back?’
‘Thank you. I’ll wait here.’ And she handed over £109.84.
Late afternoon, in a plastic bar full of plastic people, there sat a woman not so plastic, drinking out of a Styrofoam cup. Chris was transfixed by her but couldn’t approach, his anxiety bowel movements wouldn’t allow it. He asked the barman to bring a drink over to the table, Smooth Orange Juice From Concentrate. Chris sat in a corner watching as the drink was carried, and saw it placed on the table as requested. No one picked the cup up, it remained full till closing time. The woman just sat there with holding a Styrofoam cup, a wooden mannequin.