If I had a teddy bear who started talking like Peter Griffin and spent his days smoking a bong, I’d throw him in the skip. You wouldn’t think a wishing star would birth something so ugly into the world, but it did. Meet Ted, the talking bear who likes to bang chicks with his little fuzzy feet. Certainly no Care Bear.
Ted is a buddy movie, but the buddy happens to be a talking teddy. Johnny (Mark Wahlberg) has had Ted since a child and they are best friends. Thunder buddies. The two like to lead a delinquent lifestyle, one which Johnny’s girlfriend Lori (Mila Kunis) wants him out of. If Johnny can’t sort himself out and separate from Ted, she’s out of there. It’s a similar tale to the recent Muppets film, but with less songs and more jokes about sex. Walter wouldn’t stand a chance in this world. It’s a simple predictable tale with no surprises, but the simple base is set for the range of jokes the film throws at the audience. There are no no-go areas here, everything and everyone is fair game.
With the jokes being the main focus, it is a surprise to see how few manage to cause a positive reaction, one of laughter. The humour is dumb and crass, rarely tying in with the overall plot and never offering any depth or progression. There are jokes about 9/11 which seem a bit outdated and too blatant on trying to be shocking and the majority tend to focus on typical buddy movie behaviour, only this time it’s a bear. The only time the jokes really create hysterics is when Flash Gordon comes to a party. These moments are of bliss, five minutes of pure comedy gold. Just a shame the rest is a mish mash of the same random humour of Family Guy. Of course people who like Family Guy will probably love what’s on offer here, but it begs the question on why they just didn’t go ahead with a Family Guy movie. Especially since the talking teddy concept grows old way before the final act, which is a total drag thanks to the sparse jokes and tired plot. It could have been a thirty minute episode of the animated show.
Ted isn’t for everyone then, it certainly wasn’t for me. It’s a film which takes an interesting gimmick and then throws in a bunch of jokes which rarely genuinely tie in with the fact Ted is a talking bag of fluff and one which follows a rather tiresome story you’d expect in a kids summer blockbuster. But Flash Gordon, man. Flash Gordon!